Things that would never be said in Twilight and/or New Moon

ohhh no... im not just talking about mine... i've seen alot of "identicals" if u know wat i mean

im not mad... just putting it out there! =]

sam: um... bella i have something to tell you.
bella: what?
sam: i dont love emily anymore. i love you.
Bella: :affraid: but i love edward.
sam: did i mention that im bysexual?
Bella: :affraid:

its bad i know

thats cute

Jessica: Bella, im sorry i've been so mean to you
Bella: get the Fu*k away from me... bee-otch
Jessica: i jsut came to apoligize
Bella: don't make me get Emmett
Jessica: wat are u talking about?????????
Bella: EEEEMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Emmett: do u need me to take care of her, boss?
Rosalie: oh sure... do wat ever she wants... but when i want to go to egypt and find some jewels........oh NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

srry,... low on pepsi..... they will be better (when i get some) lol

very funny

bella: edward i hate you
edward: youve been drinking diet coke again havent you
bella: *sways side to side* maybe
edward: you know what this stuff does to you! EMMETT
emmett:yeah edward
edward: shes been hitting the diet coke again
emmett: you know what this means right
both: INTERVENTION!

LMAO!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHa
Man that was hilarious.

sorry Edward_Luver
your idea gave me an idea

ya'll are coming up with some really hilarious stuff
i love this thread...

MarthaWashington wrote:

LMAO!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHa
Man that was hilarious.

thanks

Emmett: *while undressing sings* lets get physical, physical

Rosaile: DONT TOUCH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Edward help




Emmett: Im a passifist (sp?)

Jacob: hey eddie wanna go catch the game tonight
Edward: hell yeah buddy!!!



Bella: 'my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard'



*Bella starts making out with Jacob in front of edward*
Edward: bella, love, why are you kissing a werewolf
bella:because your cold and cant french with me
Edward: oh right carry on
Bella:ok see you later
*starts making out again*

missmack123 wrote:

Jacob: hey eddie wanna go catch the game tonight
Edward: hell yeah buddy!!!



Bella: 'my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard'



*Bella starts making out with Jacob in front of edward*
Edward: bella, love, why are you kissing a werewolf
bella:because your cold and cant french with me
Edward: oh right carry on
Bella:ok see you later
*starts making out again*

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE THE LAST ONE!!!!!!!

lol


Emmett:

I'm through with standing in line
To clubs we'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth
And I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be

(Tell me what you want)

I want a brand new house
On an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub big enough
For ten plus me

(So what you need?)

I'll need a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet

(Been there, done that)

I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher and
James Dean is fine for me

(So how you gonna do it?)

I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus:]
'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses driving fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's
Gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny
With her bleach blond hair

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, uh huh)
I'm gonna dress my ass
With the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves to
Blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
I'm gonna trade this life for fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair and change my name

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar

I'm gonna sing those songs
That offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a pez dispenser

I'll get washed-up singers writing all my songs
Lip sync em every night so I don't get 'em wrong

[Chorus]

And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary and today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial

Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar
Hey hey I wanna be a rockstar


Rockstar by nickelback, why does that sound like such an Emmett song to me?

idk but it does to me too!! lol

Alice: eww edward thats so gross
Edward:what
Alice: I just saw what you and bella are going to do the night of your wedding
edward: *evil grin*
alice: take this *pictures her and jasper doing...stuff*
edward: eww alice i dont need to know of your personal life!
alice:i dont need to see yours either
emmett:OO I want to join too! *pictures him and Rosalie doing...stuff*
edward:why does everyone have to do this to me first it was mike and jessica then angela and ben now you guys too!
Carlisle: OOH this is fun *pictures him and esme doing...stuff*
edward: O mi god thats worse then everybody!!!!
*goes and pukes*
emmett: I love doing this




alice and rosalie and esme:
Hey look out for that moving van
Driving down our streets
You better lock up your man
Before he meets
The New Girl in Town

alice:
Who just came on the scene
alice, rosalie, and esme:
The New Girl in Town

alice:
Can't be more than sixteen

alice rosalie and esme:
And she's got a way of makin'
A boy act like a clown
Wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo
We don't know what to do
'Bout the new girl in town
The New Girl in Town

Rosalie:
Seems to dance on air

alice rosalie and esme:
The New Girl in Town

esme:
She's got the coolest hair

alice rosalie and esme:
You better tell the homecoming queen
To hold on to her crown
Wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo
Or she's gonna loose it to
The New Girl in Town

esme and rosalie:
She's hip, she's cool

alice:
I'm gonna get her after school

alice rosalie and esme:
And yet we'd like to be like her
'Cause she's the kitten
That the cats prefer

ladies step aside

jessica lauren and angela:
The New Girl in Town

Jessica:
Has my guy on a string

jessica lauren and angela:
The New Girl in Town

angela:
Hey look she's wearing his ring

jessica lauren and angela:
I can't stop crying and so
In my own tears I'm gonna drown
Wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo

jessica:
Cause he wants to rendezvous

jessica lauren and angela:
With the new girl

lauren:
We're kinda sad and blue

jessica lauren and angela:
Yes it's true
We'd like to say...
To The New Girl in Town
The New Girl in Town
Wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo
From out of the blue girl
This town's in a stew girl
What a hullabloo girl
She ain't just passing through girl
She's sticking like glue girl
To the man I thought I knew girl
Wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo, wo-oo
Hey look out for that moving van
Look out, look out, look out, look out
She was...The New Girl in Town

thats the new girl in town from HAIRSPRAY
everyone is obviously singing about Bella

Edward: Bella... there's something i need to tell you...
Bella: what is it? i'm going to be late for my manicure
Edward: i'd like you to meet.... Mr. Sock! *holds out a sock puppet* He's my new hubby


Emmett: *singing* I"M WITH YOU! Take me by the hand, take me somewhere new! i don't know who you are but i... i'm with you!


Rosalie: my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like it's better then yours. damn right! it's better then yous!

Bella: hey Jake...
Jacob: yes?
Bella: well... i was driving here... and well... i sort of drove over Billy's cat...
Jacob: YOU RAN OVER STEVE?! :affraid:

lol
edward:bella
bella:what
edward: I know that you ran over billy's cat
bella:no!
edward: and since i love cats im sending myself to the voultori because i was secretly was dating steve
bella: :affraid:

lol

Edward: so how did it go with Jacob
Bela: not well... he's shunning me for the rest of my existence
Edward: because you ran over Steve
Bella: turns out Jacob had a thing for cats...

umm... the cat thing is creeping me out

Bella: I know what u did last summer

Jacob: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT..................how can u know that????????????????

Bella: u can't hide things like THAT FROM ME................

Jacob: u better not tell billy.... u know i can kill u if i want to

Bella: i don't go well with threats...... Edward will be here in less than a minute if i want him to...... I CAN'T BELIEVE U DID THAT

Jacob: ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG................i hate u Bella Swan

Bella: good.... hate is a passionate emotion.......

Jacob: I'll show u passionate... MURDER.... the ultimite crime of passion

Bella: don't make me go talk to Billy!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Jacob leaves... Edward comes*

Edward: wat did he do last summer?

Bella: i don't know... i was just kidding around.... i wonder wat it was if Billy doesn't know

*Edward and Bella go spy on Jacob*

*Edward listening to Jacob's thoughts*

Jacob: how can Bella know i slept with Paul... Sam... Quil... Embry....and then i started PMSing and slept with Emily just to piss sam off.................. i wonder how she knew............

Edward: OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:affraid:

*Edward tells Bella... everything Jacob thought*

Bella: *talking to Jacob* U SICK S.O.B!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bella: jake what is wrong with you! Edward is mine!

Jacob: Dont make me go werewolf on your ass!

lol

Bella; Edward i've been keeping a secret from you
Edward: wat is it, love?
Bella: i don't love you anymore.....
Edward: oh...................do u love someone else?
Bella: YES...........................LEAH
Edward::affraid:

leah: so did you break it to edward
bella:yeah he cant believe that i like girls now...
edward:its ok bella I like Paul
leah and bella: :affraid:

Edward singing Jaded to Bella

Edward: My my baby blue
(blue blue blue blue yeah)
Yeah I'm talkin' 'bout you
My my baby blue
(blue blue blue blue yeah)
Yeah I've been thinkin' 'bout you
My my baby blue
Yeah you're so jaded
(Jaded)
Jaded
(Jaded)
Your so jaded
Cause I'm the one that jaded you

i dont get it because ive never heard of that song, the only 'jaded' i can think of is the Carrie Underwood which is actully called 'wasted', and im stupid so there u go...

edward: you cant see me!!
bella: edward i can ur right in front of me....
edward: no you cant!
bella:uh-huh
edward: nu-uh
Bella: uh-huh
edwad: nu-h
bella: have YOU been hitting the diet coke?
edward:m-m-maybe
bella: ALICE!!!
alice: what?
Bella: eddy over here has been hitting the diet C again
alice and Bella: INTERVENTION!!

sorry to use the same idea twice but i thought it might be funny if it was edward this time

the song is Jaded by Aerosmith
it's pretty good

you gave me an idea:

Bella: SoEddiewhatdoyouwanttodotoday?
Edward: Bella, are you ok?
Bella: i'mprefectlyfine. prefectlyperfectlyperfectlyfine.actuallyi'mbetterthenfine! I'mrocking!
Edward: Bella... did you eat that bag of Twizlers Esme had put on the counter?
Bella: *shiftyeyes* nopenopenope. I'veneverseenabagofdeliciousredgooeyTwizlers.
Edward: *sighs*

lol that was funny

edward: *in his room singing and dancing to his iPod* SHES A SUPERFREAK SUPERFREAK. SHES SUPERFREAKY! OW!
everyone:

lol, i love that one

hmmm singing to iPods

Bella: MAYBE IF THE GUYS ARE CRAZY, MAYBE THE STARS ARE BLIND. IF YOU SHOW ME REAL LOVE BABY I'LL SHOW YOU MI-I-INE!!!!


Bella: WITH YOU! I CAN LET MY HAIR DOWN, I CAN SAY ANYTHING CRAZY. I KNOW YOU'LL CATCH ME RIGHT BEFORE I HIT THE GROUND, WITH NOTHING BUT A TEE SHIRT ON I NEVER FELT SO BEAUTIFUL, BABY, AS I DO NOW! NOW THAT I'M WITH YOU!

*after both songs*

Edward:

Bella:

*jacked emmets iPod*
edward: AND WE ALL JUS WANT TO BE BIG ROCKSTRS LIVIN ON HILLTOPS AND DRIVIN
15 CARS! THE GIRS COME EASY AND THE DRUGS COME CHEAP WELL ALL STAY SKINNY CAUSE WE JUST WONT EAT

bella: I DONT WANNA SPEND MY LIFE JADED WAITIN TO WAKE UP ONE DAY AND FIND THAT ILET ALL THESE YEARS GO BY WASTED