Things that would never be said in Twilight and/or New Moon

in reply to missmack123: well ur funnier then lol

mike: oh hey bella!
bella: hey...uh look i'm just gonna come out and say this: i love edward, not u...SO LEAVE ME ALONE!
mike: u've got this all wrong actually, it's not u i want. or jessica ::shudders::
bella: oh???
mike: yep...i kinda want alice now
bella: oh...um...she's taken...sorry...
mike: yea i kno...but she's my second option
bella: okaaaaaaaay so who's ur first???
mike: edward, of course

lol nice....
Bella:mom?
charlie:what
bella:huh...
charlie didnt you hear im marrying jakes dad and im playing the girl so yeah
bella: k...dad
charlie:NO! now im your mother

haha omfg ROFL...and thx btw lol

*billy and jacob walk in*
charlie: awww did jaky waky miss his mommy?
jacob: ...wait - - wat???
charlie: gimme a hug!
jacob: ewwww NO! stay the hell away from me!
charlie: coomee hereee and gimme a hug dammit!...*whispers*...lookin smexxi jake...as always
billy: CHARLIE!

OMG SO FRICKEN FUNNY!!!!!
jake:bella my dad has been scaring me
Bella;so has mine!
jake:you think they're taking PCP like that chick who did the karate kick out the window in that 80s after school special or something?

Bella: .... *ponders* no. Charlie has always been... odd...
Jacob: *sigh* your no help at all... wanna make out?
Bella: EW NO! YOUR MY BROTHER! *gags*

haha omfg urs was funnier than mine...they're PCP chicks hahaha (@ missmack123)

jacob: oh hey i didn't think of it that way...
bella: um yea well at least u did now
jacob: yea...true...so...
bella: ugh WAT jacob?
jacob: wanna make out??

Bella:ask me one more time and I WILL tell Eddy over there to come in and break your jaw for me!
Jake:edward???where????? Eddy come come out wherever you are i love you sweetie
Bella:EVERYBODY I KNOW IS TAKING PCP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
::screams running around in a circle::
alice:what is bella doing
eddy:um i think shes histarical because everybody's taking PCP
alice:oh...
::she walks out of the room::
eddy:bye bella
::he walks out too::

Eternity'sTime wrote:

lol

Bella: so then we like went to like the mall and stuff, and she like bought me the whole store including this like totally cute mini , pink mini skirt and a like this matching hot pink tube top and she like said it was like made for me, and then we like got our nails done and it like took for like friggen ever and then we like stopped to eat a cheese cube, cause, ya know, we're on this diet and like it's sooooo effective and it was just like sooooo much fun, the mall, ya know?


*******
*just imagine Rosalie talking with a british accent in this*
Rosalie: OH Bella! i can't wait for prom!
Bella: me too! it's going to be soooo coool!
Rosalie: I know! and guess what! i'm on this new diet, it's totally effective!
Bella: Really?
Rosalie: Yeah! well, i don't eat. and whenever i feel faint, i eat a cube of cheese

(guess where the cube of cheese thing is from)

DEVIL WEARS PRADA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jacob: yes EDDY is now gone... so NOW do u wanna make out?
Bella: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOO *slaps him and runs into her room*
Jacob: *runs after her and beats her to her room...... and kisses her*
Bella: mmm-mmmmmmmmm-mmmmmm If anyone asks.. i tried to push u off
Jacob: ok

lol, i love that movie


Jacob: ya sure?
Bella: hell yeah! *pushes him off*
Jacob: *pouts* meany...
Bella:
Charlie: Bella honey, mommy's home!
Bella: Renee is here?
Charlie: no, i said: mommy's home!
Bella: Charlie what the hell have you been sniffin'

Charlie: god nothing every so assuptious!!!(sp??)
bella: EVERYONE IS ONE PCP!!!!!!!
Jacob: mmm k...

Charlie:
Dear Renee,
Nothing much has changed around here. I got married to Billy, but he isn't the same as you. Bella is obsessing that everybody is on PCP, i don't know what's gotten into her. Her boy friend is still suspicious... He looks like he never sleeps and he never eats. I also here Bella talk at night, as if she's talking to him. It make you wonder... Jacob is ok. He keeps trying to make out with Bella, and she pushes him off, claiming he's on PCP. again with he PCP. I'm beginning to think she belongs in a loony bin. Well, i'm off to save the town.
I love you
XOXO,
Charlie

Bella: DADDY? WHATCHA DOING?

omg im laughing so much that was funny write more letters!! they are so funny!

lol, ok

Edward: Dear diary,
Today Alice went shopping for Jasper, Emmett and I. For some reason she thinks we can't shop for ourself. As if! Anyways, she bought me these totally cute and awesome vans and some skinny jeans. Bella said i'd look hot in them, so, whatever pleases her.
I keep wondering why she wants to become a monster like me? i mean seriously! we suck blood for crying out loud. Diary, sometimes i think your the only one that's truly safe from me. I wonder about running away sometimes, but it would hurt to be so far away from Bella. I mean, i love her.
Mike asked me out again. What does he think i am? gay? psh, that's his problem. He tries to copy everything i saw and do, but he soooo can't pull it off.
anyways i got to go to Bella's house
caio,
Edward

omg lol this is where you truely shine really!!

Alice: Edward? wat r u doing?
Edward: NOTHING.......GO AWAY
Alice: *starts snikering* OMFG......... u have a DIARY????????????
Edward: I DID WAT???????????????

Alice: i saw your writing in your diary
Edward: uh! psh! bu! i! no you didn't!
Alice: yeah huh!
Edward: MO-OM!
Esme: STOP FIGHTING!

edward:

dear diary,

omg!! like, alice TOTALLLYY roxxx!!! she bought me SOOO many clothes today!!! my favorites were the blue mini skirt and VS bra!!! like OMG tootaalllly!! i looked so hott i almost kissed myself! u should have SEEEN my legs!! daaammnn i'm smexxii!!!!

ur smexxi bf,

ed

lmao, that seems like Emmett to me, not Edward

Emmett:
Dear Diary,
Rosalie bought me this and said it would ocupy my time. She say's i have a short attention span and all i think about it sex. Psh! she doesn't know anything. I think about other stuff... like... like... like Wrestling! and home work for school! i'm not as dumb as i look you know. Now Edward is laughing at me. He really needs to learn to stay out of people's heads. Alice went shopping for us and bought us some pretty spiffy clothes. I got plaid pants and a checkered shirt. It looks pretty hott together if i say so myself. She got me shoes from payless though. Edward got vans and i got crap. Everybody knows Alice has a crush on Edward, it's sooooooo obvious. uh oh... Edward is going to hurt me now... and so is Jasper and Alice
I have to go hide before they catch me. I wonder if trees have thoughts... like tree, tree, tree, tree over and over again. That would be so cool!
Love,
E to the double M, E T T

haha omg rofl

emmett:

dear diary,

rose is being so MEAN!! i can't believe she told every1 that i'm sum kind of sex addict! wer the hell did she get THAT idea from?? just bcuz i asked bella...uh oh uh oh!!!...damn crap sh!t!! i 4got about edward! omg!! omg!! OMGOMG!! he's trying 2 get in the room! omgomg! help me!! help! do sumthing diary!! u kno ur my only love!! come on!! DAMN U!!! U BASTARD I'LL NEVER 4GIVE U 4 THIS!!! DAMMNN YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

ok i'm going 2 run now u STUPID IDIOTIC MEANY MOTHER ******!!!!!

emmett

Alice:
Dear Diary,
I can't believe this! i go and shop for them and not even a thank you! ugh! Especially for Edward. I mean, i even got him vans! ugh! double Ugh! Jasper didn't even thank me for buying him the foot cream he asked for. Apparently his feet are 'sensitive'.
totally uncool! At least Bella appreciates it (sort of). She at least says thank you!
Ugh! i am going to kill Emmett. Me crushing on Edward? EW! he's like... my brother!
love from my heart,
M. Alice B. Cullen

Rosalie:

dearest diary,

i am SO mad!!...bella actually said she was hotter than me 2day!!!...and emmett AGREED with her!!!...just bcuz they've slept 2gether who knows how many times . . . well w/e...it's not MY fault edward's losing his grip on his "talent"...anyway, i g2g...mr. jasper has requested 4 me 2 go 2 his room...wat do u think about THAT?...don't make me slap u, diary, u kno he's not my reaaaaaaaal brother!!!

c ya!

rose

Rosalie:
Dear Diary,
Ugh! that female dog! She thinks she can waltz in here and just be all pretty and perfect. UGH! I hate her. Especially cause she took Edward. MY Edward! UGH!! I cant believe he thinks he loves her. It's sooo stupid. I saw him first, he's mine. What about Emmett? Psh! he can go screw himself. Edward is a hottie with a capitol H. I bet Bella's slept with half the school already... not like i haven't...
UGH!! Now she's talking to Emmett. What's she trying to do? seduce him?
She did wear extra tight jeans, but that's cause we all know Alice likes looking at her butt.
UGH! why does nothing go my way! They should all be staring at my beauty and drolling over my body!
UGGHHH! I hate her!
Love,
Rosalie

emmett:

omgomgomg! bella talked 2 me!! she is SO damn SEXXII!!! much sexxier than rose. im gonna have 2 steal her from edward. shouldn't b 2 hard. look at those legs! and that... ok. um. WHY is alice staring at bella's butt? omg that's not good. edward i could beat but... alice? f***!

i'm going 2 go think of a plan...

emmett

haha wait i 4got 2 put sumthing

emmett:

dear diary,

omgomgomg! bella talked 2 me!! she is SO damn SEXXII!!! much sexxier than rose. im gonna have 2 steal her from edward. shouldn't b 2 hard. look at those legs! and that... ok. um. WHY is alice staring at bella's butt? omg that's not good. edward i could beat but... alice? f***!

i'm going 2 go think of a plan...

emmett


teh dear diary thing haha