Twilight on Crack, By: Chibichomp/Rashida

PLEASE READ THIS ... IT IS THE ONLY WARNING YOU WILL RECIVE !!!
Before you read, I recomed that you read the charicter bio page ("http://www.freewebs.com/chibichomp/toc_chari.htm"). That way you will hopefully understand why some of the charicters do what they do.
Also, here is a WARNING: It has some semi-mature sceans. Nothing that wouldn't be shown in Twilight, but ya. It has a TON of cussing, seeing as the main charicter has a bad habit of doing that. If you object to that, I recomend that you don't read it. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED ...
Another note: I seriously need somebody to help correct spelling/grammer errors. Even with Microsoft Word I still seem to make a ton of them. If you notice an error or would like to volinteer to read some of the future chapters, email me at : "chibichomp@yahoo.com" ... THANKS !!!!!

DO NOT POST REPLIES ... IT MESSES UP THE FLOW OF THE STORY ... EMAIL ME OR PM ME TO COMMENT ... THANKS !!!

CHAPTER ONE : CRYSTAL


“ It sounded like you where having Bella for lunch, and we came to see if you would share,” Alice announced.
I stiffened for an instant until I realized Edward was grinning ---- whether at her comment or my response I couldn’t tell. ”

Despite reading the line for the 49th time, Crystal still laughed quietly to herself. Invoking several startled stares from passers by. As usual, she was walking home with her nose buried deep inside her “Reading Copy” of Twilight. She was, as to be expected, not even glancing up from the page as she traversed the familiar streets. She had just gotten to the part where James and his coven show up in the clearing when suddenly all went black. The last thing she knew before she passed out was a blinding pain in the back of her skull.
____________________________________________________________________
She awoke to the sound of a soft beeping and quiet whispers.
“Will she be all right?” Rashida asked quietly.
“She will be fine I’m sure,” Edward assured her, pulling her closer to his chest and silently stoking her hair.
Recognizing the voices, Crystal sat up. “Edward?” she mumbled, rubbing her eyes, “Rashida? What happened?”
Rashida, in an odd state, rushed to her side, “It’s gonna be fine Crystal. You apparently got hit in the head with a falling brick,” she laughed weakly, “The doctor said that there was only minor damage though.”
“Who’s Crystal?”
This is what they call “minor damage” ?!?!?!?!?! , Rashida fumed, Looks like I’m gonna have to pay some doctors a house call. She stifled the stream of violent words at the tip of her tong and fought to make her response sound light, “That’s you silly.”
Crystal looked confused, “But, I’m Alice …” She turned to Edward, “Tell her bro!”
Edward’s face was totally blank as he mumbled out the corner of his mouth, “Ummm … Rashida, may I speak with you for a moment?”
“Sure,” she agreed quickly, following him as he strode swiftly to the other corner of the room. As soon as they where out of earshot Edward whispered urgently, “Rashi, I think we have a problem.”
“What’s wrong?”
Edward swallowed, “She actually believes she’s my sister. Her thoughts are a jumble. It’s like the mind of two separate people literally fused together.”
Just then “Alice” spoke up, “Hey guys, where’s Jasper?” Edward and Rashida didn’t say a word, but, as if on cue, the intercom suddenly cracked on, “Excuse me, there is a ‘Jasper’ here to see the patient in room 108. ‘Jasper’ to see patient in room 108.”
“Alice” hopped out of bed and began sporadically jumping up and down. Within moments a cautious looking Jasper Castle stepped through the door. “Alice” literally pounced on him.
They both landed with oomph.
“Why didn’t you catch me?” “Alice” complained. Before he could respond, “Alice” commented, “You look different.”
“Huh?”
“We’ll explain later,” Edward assured him quickly.
“O.K,” he replied, still looking doubtful.
“Hey, my head is bleeding!” she shot an alarmed look at Jasper, “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!!!” she shouted, covering her head, “Wait a sec. If I’m a vampire, why am I bleeding?”
The others mentally crossed their fingers that, faced with reality, she’d snap out of it. Apparently, no such luck, “Hmmm … I guess I’m just one of those bleeding vampires.”
Edward rolled his eyes and Jasper threw them another confused look.
“Well,” Jasper said uncertainly, “the doctors said she could go home, but if she doesn’t feel up to it …”
“Oh Jazz!” she exclaimed, throwing her arms around his neck, “You are so sweet when you’re concerned.”
“Um … O.K …” he mumbled, startled.
Hey Edward, “Alice” thought.
“Yes Crystal?” Edward replied, velvet voice wary.
“ALICE!!!!! MY NAME IS ALICE!!!!!! HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN A PART OF YOUR FAMILY EDWARD?!?!?!? DON’T YOU ATLEAST KNOW MY NAME BY NOW!!! GOSH!!! IT’S STARTING TO LOOK LIKE IT WAS YALL, NOT ME, THAT GOT HIT WITH A BRICK!!!” she screamed.
“All right, what is it … ‘Alice’?”
He stifled a laugh as he heard her response in his mind.
“Well, I guess we’ll be going now…” said Rashida uncertainly, “I’m sure Jasper will be happy to take you home ‘Alice’.”
Blissfully unaware of the murderous look Jasper was now throwing Rashi’s way, ‘Alice’ seemed pleased by the idea.

“So, what did she ‘say’?” Rashida whispered once they had left the room.
He cleared his throat, “Ummm … don’t think I’m weird or anything,” he said, imitating her voice perfectly, “But, I know you’re my brother and all, but why am I totally thrilled to see you, as if we like, just met. Well … it’s not just that either … it’s like I’m … obsessed with you …” they both laughed.
“I seriously hope she’ll be ok though,” Rashida added on a sober note.
Edward sighed, “If it’ll make you feel better, we can talk to Carlisle when we get home.”
I’ve been to med school enough times to diagnose a simple head injury, he griped, but I suppose it’ll make her feel better to have a “professional’s” opinion…
“Ed? What is it?”
“Nothing … let’s go.” As soon as there was no one in sight Edward picked her up and carried her (vampire speed) to the Volvo. He turned on some My Chemical Romance and speed off.
“I still wish you wouldn’t drive so god damn fast,” she grumbled.
“What,” he teased, “you don’t trust me?”
“It’s not you I don’t trust, it’s them,” she gestured to the other cars, “And, no offense intended, this car.”
Ed opened his mouth to respond, but Rashi beet him to it, “Now, before you start ragging on my truck, keep in mind that my crappy old truck survived that accident with Tyler with hardly a scratch.”
“That’s true,” he smirked, “But I’d never be involved in an accident, so the fact is irrelevant.”
“Explanations for everything …” she sighed.
“You know you love me.”
“Ya,” she smiled, “You have a point there,” her mind wandered for a minuet, but finally she said, “I still prefer running though. It’s just you, me and he forest. Like I said, it’s not you I don’t trust, it’s them.”
“I know. I’d be happy to accommodate you if it weren’t for the circumstances.”
She sighed.
They allowed conversation to lull as Ghost of You came on. Rashida still found it amazing that they had music preference in common. Especially considering he had lived through several generations of music. Although, she supposed a vampire pretty well had to have an open mind if they where going to live forever.
“We’re here,” Edward announced. It took her awhile to realize that the car hadn’t been moving for a few minuets. That was another thing she hated about his driving, they always got everywhere to fast. In the car was one of the few places they where able to talk without being listened in on ( however unintentionally ) by his ( and soon to be hers, she hoped ) family.

She had started to get out of the car when Edward suddenly zipped around from the other side and stopped her, “Where on Earth do you think you’re going ?” he purred seductively in her ear, sending pleasant shivers down her spine.
“Home,” she answered difficultly, struggling to breath at a normal rate.
“Not till you promise to stop worrying about your friend once we talk to Carlisle, you aren’t,” he breathed, lightly trailing the tip of his nose from her collar bone to her ear and back. His sent was beginning to set a haze over her brain.
“This really isn’t fair you know,” she complained feebly.
“So?” he chuckled, drawing her closer.
She groaned. “All right, I’ll make you a deal.”
“I’m listening.”
“I’ll try to agree with your deal … if you kiss me.”
“Done,” he grinned, slowly leaning closer. Not fast enough, apparently, for Rashida. He was only about an inched from her lips, but she couldn’t help herself. She rapidly closed the distance between them, pressing her lips fiercely to his. Within seconds he pulled her away, groaning. “God, I wish you wouldn’t do that,” he said, cursing under his breath.
“This one was your own fault ya know,” she whispered still breathing heavily, “If you would just hurry up and change me, it wouldn’t be a problem,” she teased.
“Hey, it was your decision to wait till after collage before you …” and that was as far as he got before Rashida interjected.
“Now you’re just twisting my words. I said when you proposed to me that I’d love to marry you and then you could make me a vampire. I’m totally happy with that arrangement. Heck, I personally think that’s more of an incentive than a deterrent,” she grinned slightly, “I also happened to mention a while back that I had the full intention of going to collage someday. The two statements are not related.”
As usual, he had a thoughtful response in moments, “Well, I was under the impression that they where, seeing as …”
“Bullshit,” she said, cutting him off.
He laughed, “Ok, you’re right. It’s more my requirement than yours, but still … you really wanted to go to collage and I don’t want to take that away from you,” he said softly.
“Oh come on Edward!” she shouted, “Of course I’m still planning on going to collage. You haven’t changed that. But never once did I say I had to go to collage as a human.” He gave her that strange blank look he always had when he didn’t want him to know what he was thinking. She continued speaking (well, at this point it was more like rambling ), “It might even be easer as a vampire. You know how crappy my memory is. That’s probably the only thing related to school that’s hard. Remembering and keeping track of stuff. It can even be a few years after I’ve been changed to give me some time to get used to … everything,” she refrained from mentioning that it would, from what she could tell, take her a while to be able to resist eating her classmates.
She paused, attempting to think of some other way to persuade him. He unfortunately chose this time to speak up, “But it’s not the same when you’re a vampire. I’m in a position to know,” he pointed out with a wink.
“Once again, bullshit. You where turned at age 17, and, judging by what little I know about your life and that time period, you probably never attended collage as a human,” she said triumphantly.
Her hopes where soon dashed with another thoughtful response from Edward, “How do you know I never went to collage as a human? I’ve never told you, nor any members of my family for that matter, much about my mortal life. For all you and the rest know, I’ve been to collage as a human and know exactly what I’m talking about.”
That threw her for a moment. Finally she just resorted to her usual tactic, change the subject. “You do know I don’t count that as a kiss, right? If you want me to keep my nerves in check you’re gonna have to do better than that.”
“Certainly not,” he grinned, just as eager for distraction from the uncomfortable topic. Learning from his earlier mistake of overestimating Rashi’s self control, he skipped the pretext and pressed his cold lips softly to hers…
Despite earlier warnings, she still over reacted. Fortunately, Edward was expecting this and that seemed to make all the difference. He did not stop her as she wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her fingers in his hair, all the while pressing her lips to his urgently. But all to soon he’d had enough and pried her off. Both of them were panting.
“Will that do?” he asked sarcastically. Rashida just nodded mutely, still to breathless to speak. Gathering as much composure as they could, they walked quickly up the porch steps and into the house.

Well what do we have here? Jasper Hale thought teasingly, You’d better cool it Edward, I’m not sure how much more she can take. You don’t feel so good either dude. I recommend you be more careful bro, or your gonna have to change her before you do something more stupid.
Edward let out a low growl, “Keep your thoughts to yourself.”
Jasper laughed, “You know I’m right.”
Edward mumbled something unintelligible, but Jasper must have heard it because he suddenly laughed again.
“All right, All right, I’ll let you two love birds alone,” he said and zipped away. Edward had a sound somewhere between a cough and a light growl, but Rashi was still a bit to out of it to comment.
As they started up the stairs it was obvious that her conversation skills where not the only thing affected.
“That’s it, I’m not going to watch this anymore,” Edward said, scoping her up and finishing the rest of the trip up the winding staircase, down the hall and into their room(s).
Within seconds she was laying on the coach, Time to Dance playing softly in the background.
Draping the thick matching blanket, intended just for this purpose, over her small frame he took his customary place at her side.
As the song switched to I Write Sins Not Tragedies, she spoke up, “So, last day of school huh …”
“Got any plans for the summer?” he asked, wicked gleam in his golden eyes.
She snorted and shot him a glare.
“What?” he asked with mock innocence, “It was a legitimate question.” she rolled her emerald green eyes and chucked a well aimed pillow at his face. As she should have expected, he caught it.
“What did I do now?” he asked desperately in response to her now frustrated expression.
“You where supposed to let it hit you,” she grumbled.
“Oh,” he said. Well that is easily remedied; I was worried it was something else. He attempted to hand back the pillow, but she didn’t take it.
“Never mind!” she shouted, rolling over.
Edward wrapped his arms around her and pulled her against his chest, “Rashida,” he whispered pleadingly, “I don’t want you to be mad at … especially not over something you wouldn’t have to tell Mike Newton … or Jake,” he said said sadly, expression grim.
“But I’m not mad at you Ed,” she sighed, “I doubt that I’m capable of it.” That seemed to cheer him up a bit, but not much.
“Besides,” she continued, eager to get him out of this sudden mood swing, “only an idiot would let a pillow hit him in the face if he could help it. I don’t think even Mike’s that stupid,” she decided to pretend he hadn’t mentioned Jacob, “I’m just being a retard today,” she assured him.
Ever since the last incident with him leaving for her own good she always got a little irrationally panicky when he started talking like that.
Despite his assurances that he could not, it often seemed like Edward could read her mind. He pulled her even closer to his chest, resting her chin on her head, and whispered firmly, “I’M NOT GOING TO LEAVE YOU EVER AGAIN. I’m such an idiot and I hope you can forgive me one day.”
“There’s nothing to forgive …”
“I’m so sorry …” he said, voice shaking. He refused to believe her assurances that he was not to blame.
“Edward, it’s not your fault …” her voice starting to falter as well. She raised a hand to his beautiful face.
“Yes it is,” he insisted mournfully, taking her hand and kissing it lightly.
“So,” she said suddenly, changing the topic for the second time today, “Where’s Kai?” Kai was her adored pet undead-cat. She was the perfect companion for a soon to be vampire. She was almost like a vampire cat except she did not need to drink blood. (to this day they where not sure how that worked) She could also transform into a frightening creature that could only be equated to a flying saber tooth tiger. In cat forum she looked like an adorable, midnight Aby cat with intelligent eyes as gold as Edward’s. Another odd feature was that the only marking on her was an unusually detailed gold pentagram on her flank. When in saber tooth tiger form she looked more like a black panther with killer fangs, the same glowing eyes and the familiar gold pentagram.
As soon as she spoke, the beautiful black feline slunk gracefully into the room and jumped on Rashida’s lap, purring.
“You really are like a magnet for the paranormal,” he laughed without humor, obviously still depressed.
Kai seemed to give him a look at the word “paranormal” but soon went back to purring and snuggling against Rashi. When they had first meet, Rashida had sensed that she was more intelligent than she could comprehend, possibly even able to understand human speech, if not produce it. Edward had later confirmed her sense. She had the distant personality of a cat, but he could hear her thought’s just like that of any human being, proving that she was sentient. The cat had the same chill about her that Edward had, but Rashi was far from minding. She was definitely the perfect companion for a future vampire.
“You know what I think,” Rashida said lightly, “I believe it is time for another piano lesson.” That finally perked him up. He loved sharing his music with her. He was constantly coming up with new, beautiful and complex compositions. Shortly after returning from his “trip”, as she preferred to refer to that time, he had been so inspired as well as eager for forgiveness that he had composed an entire second CD of songs. Each track was related to the next, like movements in a song. They all shared the basic melody of Rashida’s Lullaby, but they all had different moods. Edward had later explained that the CD was a musical account of his life since meeting her. She found that unbearably sweet, but with that concept in mind she found it impossible to listen to track seven (presumably representing his “trip”) without crying (which had greatly disturbed Edward, who was with her the first time she listened to it ). She probably would have cried anyway, it was a beautiful and heart breaking song, but knowing what it represented made it impossible not to.
“So what shall we learn to play today, lovely?”
She smiled, “Hmmm … can you help me get the second part of Moonlight Sonata? I can’t seem to get it just from watching other people play since it’s a two handed song and I don’t know it well enough to play by ear.”
“I wish you’d let me teach you to play reading notes. It’s so much simpler to learn that way.”
“I know, but then I’d lose all the songs I’ve already memorized. Besides, the flute is my main instrument, I’m not sure how much time I can devote to the piano at the moment,” she was sorely tempted to add that, once she was a vampire, she’d have all the time in the world for the piano with a majorly improved memory to boot. She just didn’t see the point in starting serious lesions yet. At the moment this was for Edward. However, seeing how “well” her last mention of her impending change had gone over, she thought better of it.
“Alright, let’s go.”
She followed him through the doorway from which Kai had come and down a short hallway to a large, black, Japanese screen door. It had a lovely picture of cherry blossoms painted on it by Angel herself. He swiftly slid back the door. Inside was a large bedroom. It, like the hallway, looked like a room in a Japanese home, except that it had an unusual color scheme. The walls where all black with swirls of red, white and pink and occasionally paintings of cherry blossoms painted right on the walls (also by Angel). There was an entire long wall full of nothing but 28, extremely large, dark wood bookshelves. All of which were full to the brim. In the corner was a low to the ground, but extremely comfortable looking king size bed that was over flowing with soft down pillows and had a black coverlet with a mixture of red, pink and white cherry blossoms as well as an unusual swirl pattern. The blanket had been sewn by Esme. It was made out of a rare black silk stuffed with cotton and embroidered by hand with the same patters shown all around the room. Kai, who had followed them, immediately took her place on the bed. Rashida didn’t mind. The cat seemed as incapable of shedding as Edward was of going bald. I suppose there’s no point being immortal if you age or all your fur falls out and you can’t grow it back, she reasoned. In the opposite corner was Rashida’s stark white grand piano beside her specially made, black tinted, flute.

Above her bed was a gigantic poster size portrait of Kai drawn by Crystal. The entire room, including the instruments had been a gift from Edward (with the help of Angel, Crystal and Esme). She hadn’t asked for it, but one day he had asked her to come to his house after school and then sprung this on her. She would have rejected it except for two reasons. 1.) He’d already finished. He had added an extra wing to his house for her, how could she say no? 2.) His reason for adding the room was so that she could have her own room when she moved in. All she could do was a combination of squealing, jumping up and down and saying “Thank You” around a billion times. Edward was extremely pleased at her reaction, especially since it was way more than he expected. He knew she didn’t like gifts, but this one was justifiable. Even if he had, admittedly, gone a bit overboard.
The piano had been put in later after she had agreed to let him give her piano lesions. She already knew a bit, but only enough to play by ear and Edward was eager to teach. He had made it a condition of the lesions that she have her own piano. She had reluctantly said yes, genuinely assuming that he meant a cheep, electric piano. The next day, it was there.
Edward sat down on the bench, patting the space beside him, “Alright, show me how much you’ve got down already.”
She took a shaky breath and held her fingers above the keys. She hadn’t practiced in a while and was worried about making an idiot out of herself. She tried to console herself that, since Edward was a master at the piano and knew she was not that his expectations would be extremely low. Somehow that made her feel worse, not better. Making sure she had her fingers over the right keys she played a few quick chords. Then she started. The only thought in her head was 1-2-3, 1-2-3-,1-2-3,1-2-3,1-2-3,1-2-3,1-2-3,1-2-3,1-2-3. She winced as quietly as possible when her fingers slipped and she hit a wrong note. She was eternally grateful that Edward didn’t respond, despite her utter certainty that he had heard it (if she had noticed, he had DEFINATLY noticed). Once she had finished she looked up with a grimace at Edward who was sitting beside her with a blank face. That wasn’t a good sign.
Rather than saying anything he just went to the keys. He played the song she had just butchered with precision. Every time he played it was the perfect balance between emotion and clarity that eluded her. Sure, she could play Greensleaves and maybe one of her pathetic compositions like that, but she doubted she’d ever be that good on anything harder than that.
She paid even greater attention as the section she did not yet know came up. Watching his fingers fly gracefully across the keys she confirmed her suspicion that she did in fact have the wrong hand positioning. Maybe Edward was right … she did need to start at basics.
He only had a few measures left, but he stopped.
“Are you tired? We can do this some other time,” he look concerned. She must look more out of it than she realized.
“A little,” she admitted. I’m also a little tired of making an idiot out of myself, she added mentally, again grateful that he could not read her mind.
“You should get some sleep, it’s late.”
“I know, but I’d rather not. We won’t see each other for two weeks after today; I’d like to spend as much time awake as possible.”
“I suppose I can’t force you to sleep,” he said, “but no caffeine please.”
“Deal.”
Despite her desire to stay awake, she was more exhausted than she cared to admit. She looked at the bed longingly.
“No harm in just laying down,” Edward pointed out, once again seeming to read her mind.
“I suppose not,” she replied carefully. She slipped under the thick covers. Edward got in on top of them, wrapping his arm around her. He quietly began to hum her lullaby. It felt so nice here. Safe, warm. And she was so tired. Her eyelids weighed a ton.
“You can rest your eyes if you need to. That doesn’t count as sleeping you know,” he whispered, reading her mind again.
She had barley realized what he was doing to her before the world went black. Somehow, he’d convinced her to go to sleep.

CHAPTER TWO : ANGEL'S HOUSE


The first few days passed slowly. Nothing better could be expected considering that she was at home doing nothing. By at home, I mean that she was in her room at Charlie’s house. She was under new extreme supervision till he and Billy left for a camping/fishing trip for the rest of the summer. At that point, he expected Angel and Jacob to keep her away from the Cullens. Fortunately, Angel understood that she loved Edward and Jacob had gotten over his short lived attempts to keep them apart. Now that he had Angel, he could care less if Rashida, the girl who dumped him (in his opinion), “ruined her life”. They put on a show while Charlie was around, but once he left she would have no trouble spending all of her time with her “real family”.
But for now she was cut off, not only from Edward and Kai, but from all of her stuff. She’d never realized how cool her room was until she’d been forced to stay away from it for two weeks. She had EVERYTHING there, including her books, her computer, and her flute. She even missed her grand piano that she couldn’t play. The only thing she had was her bed and what was in her purse. She couldn’t even write, her brain seemed dead. All she could do was listen to her I-Pod and stare at the ceiling. Which was only interesting for the first few hours. Her only available pastime was to sit and think and the only things she could think about was the fact that Edward wasn’t here and how bored she was.
It was in that mind set that she pulled out her phone and called Crystal. She was hoping that Crystal would be back to normal and they could go to a concert or the book store or something, but the first words out of her mouth where not encouraging, “Hey Rash! Wanna go shopping?”
Biting back a groan, she replied as politely as possible, “Where exactly?”, she was still clinging to the hope that she at least meant Hot Topic, Haystings (sells: books, movies, music, games … etc), Barnes and Nobel or at least Bath and Body Works.
“Wal-Mart of course! OMG! Anybody who doesn’t shop at Wal-Mart for the bulk of their clothes is a complete loser. Don’t you know that Rashida ?!?!?”
“Ummm … sure …”
“So, let’ go at 8:00! OMG this will be just like old times Rash!”
Rashida was fairly certain that she’d never gone shopping at Wal-Mart with Crystal. She had however gone shopping with Alice. The “brick incident” must still be affecting her brain. Great. However, Rashida was bored enough to clean the house, had it been dirty. This was the next best thing, unfortunately. Maybe she could convince her to go to the mall instead. At least there she could get away from “Alice” and sneak off to Hot Topic.
She still didn’t see why just letting her meet the real Alice and let her talk to her and prove that she wasn’t would snap Crystal out of this, but Carlisle insisted that something like that would just make her worse not better. She was reluctantly inclined to go with the doctor’s opinion.
Rashida had already ground her teeth down my half a centimeter before the digital clock changed from 7:59 to 8:00. Amazingly, the instant the clock changed the doorbell rang. It was “Alice”. “Hey there Rash. You ready to go?”
“Sure Cryss (Chris), just let me get my purse,” she said, turning around and walking to her room. “Alice” followed her, “It’s ALICE!” she shouted, then she made the strangest noise that can be equated to air being let out of a balloon.
“What the hell was that?”
“Your purse I’m guessing,” “Alice” responded, pointing to Rashida’s simple black, red and pink bag. It matched the decorations in her room. She had refused to let Edward get her a purse, seeing as it wasn’t something he could justify, but she couldn’t really complain when Jennifer and Angel had sewn her one for her Birthday. She objected to people spending money on her, but they had made it themselves. Sort of like Ed had made her room himself. She found that kind of gift hard to turn down, and Edward knew it. That’s why she loved his CD’s. He played beautifully and he wrote them himself. An impossibly awesome combination. “Alice” hadn’t stopped talking.
“I know what you mean. Your purse is so ugly it’s scary. I don’t know why you keep that thing around. Do you want me to buy you a new one at Wal-Mart?”
“I meant that fucking sound!” Rashi clarified tersely. She hated it when people picked on her stuff. Sure the purse had been through a ton, especially since she usually carried all her school stuff in it. In all honesty, it was falling apart at the seams, literally.
“Take a chill pill Rash! No need for colorful language. That was just my vampire hiss, duh!”
“It sounded like an angry cat!” Rashida teased laughing.
“Alice” didn’t seem to find that funny. She made a fist and tapped Rashi on the shoulder with what one must assume was meant to be a punch. On habit, Rashi slapped her across the face. “What was that for ?!?!?”
“Are we going shopping or what?”
“Sure.”
They climbed in Rashida’s truck and drove to Wal-Mart in complete silence.
Rashida, as she usually did when forced to shop, zoned out for most of the excursion. She snapped back to attention only when asked a direct question, which was rare since the new “Alice” was prone to ramble while shopping.
“So what do you think of these shoes?”
Rashida hadn’t the slightest idea what to say staring in the face of the item “Alice” held. They where a pair of mind numbingly bright pink, used converses. They had twisted, faded white laces complete with stripes and “My Little Pony” designs.
As if that where not enough, they where caked in mud, riddled with holes and smelled like a sickening combination of a locker room, cat pee and barf.
“Ummm … they’re wonderful Cr… “Alice”.”
“Wow! You really think so ?!?!? I’ll totally but them then !!!”
Crap, now she’d done it.
“Actually,” she blurted, “They look like you found them in a garbage bag.”
“They where on SALE,” she explained solemnly, as if that excused the fact that they looked hideous.
And she complained about my purse …
“Wait a mother fucking second!” Rashida shouted, tired of trying to keep the cussing to a minimum, “We have been in Wal-Mart for four fucking hours and all you’re gonna get is a pair of crappy ass shoes that shouldn’t even belong to a god damn hobo ?!?!?!?!?!??”
“Alice” ignored her and pulled out her “jar-o-pennies” from her suitcase sized bag and set it on the counter. The clerk was going through the obvious first stages of panic as his worst nightmare was realized (other than being told to “hand over all the money” at gun point), a customer with a jar of change.
“That’ll be $32.50,” he told her shakily.
The clerk nearly fainted as she proceeded to dump out the jar of change on the counter and begin counting aloud each and every penny, one by one. She had just reached $12.37
when the clerk spoke up, “You know Miss, there’s a Coin Star at the next register. I’m sure they’d be happy to …”
“Darn! I lost count!” she exclaimed.
Everyone in the line groaned. About half of them made a simultaneous move to the end of the only other line. It was just as long as theirs, but they figured it was still moving quicker.
“Screw it,” Rashida shouted, throwing her Visa at the clerk. He gladly swiped it.
“Rash! I’m shocked! You know you’re only supposed to use that in emergencies!”
“What the fuck dose this look like ?!?!?!? I‘ve been in this dumb ass store for 6 fucking hours !” she retorted, grabbing the shoes and dragging “Alice” by the collar before the other shoppers could start throwing newly purchased tomatoes.