Plot #1 - Showing vs. Telling

Showing instead of Telling, what does this mean?
Nine times out of ten, you want to show more when you write instead of tell. Think about it a little. When your reading something, do you want to be told what happened or shown what happened? Probably shown. It's a lot more exciting.

Look at this line:
"Karen was upset."

There isn't anything wrong with it. It gives the necessary information and it's nice and simple.
But consider this:
"Karen couldn't believe what she heard. The words sliced through her like a knife. Her voice caught in her throat and it was difficult to breathe.

This shows how upset she was. We can sympathize with her and relate to her.

Be careful though. Avoid becoming over descriptive and too flowery. C.J. Cherryh gave a really good example of this in "Writerisms and other Sins: A Writer's shortcut to stronger writing".
“as he turned, then stepped aside from the descending blow … ” It takes longer to read this then it would for it to actually happen. It slows down your pace.
Also, "florid verbs" or verbs that are really super descriptive, are good to use, but in moderation. If every line has one it's going to get really annoying to read really fast.

So how do I Show instead of Tell?
-Use more dialogue.
Don't just say 'Pete was mad at Tom because he called him stupid'. Actually show the reader the conversation that made Pete mad at Tom.

-Be specific.
Why is Sarah sad? What does the hot guy on the beach really look like instead of just being hot? How does he really feel about her?

-Be descriptive.
Use good verbs but again, don't overdo it.

When to Tell
Now I said above, nine times out of ten you want to show, so that means sometimes you're going to need to tell.
Telling is not bad.
If you're just developing a backstory or just need to get some information out quick you don't need to bog down the story with a bunch of showing.
If something is going to be very long and repetitive if you show every aspect of it, it's going to get boring really quickly. Like if you want to talk about your protagonist's week at school. Showing and detailing every little event of every day is going to get really boring unless something significant happens every day. Chances are, this isn't going to happen so you can just sum it up in a couple of telling sentences.

Make sense?
I'll be happy to answer any questions if something is confusing!


Homework: We're going to play a game. One person is going to post a telling line and the next person will take that same line and make it into a showing line and then post there own telling line for the next person to do.
Your adaptation of the telling line can be longer then just one sentence, (it probably will be), but try not to go too overboard. You don't need to write the entire scene. :)

First Line: John wished he were different.

John scuffled into the Alcoholics Anonymous group and found a chair.

"We have a new member, everyone say hi to him." the group leader said.

He looked up to see a dozen faces like his, tired, dark circles, frowns. All of it. He looked down at himself, shameful as many of the others felt. Also as many of the others, he wished he didn't need this to get rid of the addictive substance in his life.
[/end]

hmm...not as good as I imagined...
You're really good at this by the way, the whole teaching thing


Janet felt joyful.

Great lesson! I really get what your trying to say. Though there is exceptions to the rule of description, if you have ever read Angela Carter or the Lord of the Rings they are masterful descriptors. But you're right, for those just starting out avoiding over description is a must.

showing
John was lost in the crowd. When he tried going against the flow it always became too hard and he turned back again. He was brilliant at being mediocre.

how was that?

EDIT: NOooo you posted before me
oh well I'll do your's too then.

showing
The petals on the flower were soft and supple. Janet smiled as she pressed them to her nose, perhaps Liam wasn't as unromantic as she thought.

"These are beautiful." Liam smiled in that awkward way he had, that she found so endearing.

"I loved them as soon as I saw them." She noticed he was staring at her and not the flowers. Her eyes welled up with salty tears that ran down her cheeks, he put his finger against her face and wiped them away.

line: The ball hit her head.

[thisone I could do from memory. I'm a magnet to these things]

Jane was standing in line, ready to play King's Court with her friend, Joshua. On the other court there was a game going on and Joshua, noticed out of the corner of his eye that the ball was flying towards them. He quickly moved out of the way but didn't notice the trajectory of the ball. It's high velocity threw Jane to the ground when it made contact with her head. She groaned and Joshua stifled a laugh.

Louisa wanted to cry

The tears botted up in Louisa's eyes and she blinked them back furiously to stop them running down her face. A lump appeared in her throat and she also tried to swallow it away, she wiped her hand across her eye to clean away the tears that her unwillingly spilled.

I dunno, *shrug*

Ara was cold

The thin jacket was little help as the ice crept into her bones. Ara shivered uncontrollably as she wrapped her thin arms around her chest as if trying to trap the heat her heart radiated.

humm I dislike it. oh well

Jack tripped.

Jack's foot ot caught behind his other and he rocketed forward. He put his arms out to sheild his face from slamming into the ground.

Hrm not very good but oh well.

The light was bright.

Raina blinked a few times then sheilded her eyes. The overhanging light from her fan assulting her eyes. She closed them and dove under the divers again to avoid the light.