Prompt 1

Today was the first snow day of the year and school has already been cancelled for tomorrow so in honor of that here is your first prompt.

You're in the middle of a huge snow storm. It's hard to see, the roads are icy and covered in snow. The road your on is fairly busy. Out of no where your car hits a patch of ice and you lose control. The car goes off of the road and into a ditch where it would be hard for people to see you. Write what happens next.

Write from any perspective/POV you want and make it however long you want.

(I’ve never seen snow so sorry if I get everything wrong )

Ally swore as she looked at the mess around her, everything had been thrown forwards and the car was on a tilt. Her head ached horribly from hitting the wheel as the stupid car she owned didn’t have any airbags. “Stupid piece of junk,” She scowled and swore again. With some trouble she undid her seatbelt and pushed the door open. The door swung out of her hand and banged against a tree.

Ally groaned and jumped out momentarily forgetting that the ground was covered in snow. Her feet disappeared under a layer of it and when she pulled her runners out again they and her socks were soaking. Muttering darkly Ally slammed the door shut and fumbled for her keys to lock it. Not that there was anything in it worse stealing, the car wasn’t worth stealing either but she liked to lock it regardless. Her numb fingers fumbled with the keys and dropped them at her feet. The keys slowly seeped through the snow and swearing once more Ally pushed her hand into the snow and pulled out her keys.

The snow stabbed at her numb fingers and Ally blew on them trying to warm them up wondering why on earth she hadn’t remembered to put her gloves on when she left the house this morning. Muttering darkly again she climbed up the icy hill to get back to the main road to get someone’s attention slipping numerous times. Fed up with the stupid hill Ally stupidly kicked it.

“Ow, ow ow.” She yelled hopping on one foot and tumbling back down the hill. “Oh I give up.” She muttered not getting up from the heap of snow she was lying in.

Man you're lucky for never getting snow. I hate snow. I only like it if we can miss school for it :)

I really liked the scene you set up and I think you did a good job with the snow even though you have no experience with it.
A couple of nit-picky things. Try to add more detail. In the first paragraph 'everything had been thrown forwards'. What is everything? Does she have a purse? Papers? Bags of groceries? This is a good chance to show the reader more about your character. Is she messy? Neat? Is she really frustrated because all of her order is now messed up in her car or could she care less because it's already filthy?
In the second to last paragraph this line, 'Muttering darkly again she climbed up the icy hill to get back to the main road to get someone’s attention slipping numerous times.' sounded kind of awkward to me. I think it can easily be fixed. I would just change the 'climbed' to 'slipped' and take out the 'slipping numerous times'.
Good start here. Overall, I think you did a nice job :)

ive never expreienced snow either XD

Lisa just chalked it up to her eternal bad luck. As if the ladders, black cats, and broken mirrors at home weren't enough, the only time shes ever been to the east coast, she gets caught in a snow storm. Of course none of the kindly travelers on thier way to Christmas dinner or jaunting to pick up family from the airport had looked into the ditch to see if she was okay. That would be too nice for the Christmas season.
She started the car again and pressed hard on the gas petal but there was no way she was going anywhere. She muttered profanity under her breath, while trying to get the car to budge from the inside. She gave up with a sigh and placed her head against the steering wheel. "Fine." she muttered. "I suppose I couldn't just have the holiday season go off without a hitch. Nope, something had to go wrong."
She glanced around the pristine rental car, then to her purse which had flown onto the floor in front of the passenger seat. She picked it up and sifted through the contents for her cell phone. Then she remembered that it was dead. "Why me?" she asked softly.
She took her gloves out of her purse and made sure her coat was on correctly. She opened the door, realizing she was happy she paid the insurance on the rental car. "Well, I suppose there is a silver lining for every rain cloud," she said to herself as she began the slow climb back up to the highway, with a smile.

Neither do I drive nor live anywhere with snow, so yeah.


It was an unusual occurrence.

This was the first thought that settled in Zoey’s mind as the car spun to a stop and she was thrown forcefully against her seat. She hadn’t been counting on this. Not just the accident, although she hadn’t come close to one since she was seventeen, but the snow itself. Its presence was unsettling, its abundance was more so, and its effects were the worst of all. It wasn’t supposed to snow, not here.

She pursed her lips, breathing in deeply through her nose before she turned to the door beside her. She was certain that from the outside her entire car was a crumpled catastrophe: even from the inside, it was somewhat of a mess, but the handle pulled out and the door swung open just as easily as ever before. She shivered as she stepped into the cold country air, bundled only in a thin sweatshirt bearing the word “Texas.” The heating in Zoey’s car was quite efficient, and she hated the bulk of her coat while driving. It was locked in her trunk, seemingly miles away from where she stood in the snow.

She gave a quick look around, completely unaware of her location. Since her brother had finished high school, Zoey’s parents seemed to be going out of their way to move constantly, jumping from house to house in the most obscure regions of the country they could find. “Well,” she said to herself quietly, “I guess I’ll be a few hours late.” It was already December 22^nd, and as much as she usually loved the holidays, Zoey couldn’t help but hope that Oliver and her parents would go ahead and decorate the tree without her. It had been a long morning, and it had the makings of a long day.

She dove back into her car, stretching into a terribly unladylike position to reach the far corner of the passenger seat where most of the contents of her purse had landed. There was her cell phone, her ticket back into the civilized world. She prayed for service, rewarded with two tiny bars. Awkwardly sitting up was more of a struggle than she anticipated, but she managed, and before long she was speedily dialing the digits of her brother. “Ollie,” she said cheerfully as he answered, knowing he’d grimace as she finished the sentence. “I’m afraid I’m stuck.”

I hate you, you stupid amazing writer.

Spirals of light were filtering through the snow covered glass, reflecting and refracting, creating flaring rainbows that traced her porcelain skin. The delicate lashes that framed her closed eyelids glinted gold. Flurries of snowflakes gently brushed the sides of her car as the storm subsided. Still the sleeper remained in slumber. The sun passed behind the hills and its light slowly receded along the contours of the land, grasping onto the last remnants of lit ground.

As darkness fell she woke abruptly, to the deathly still of miles of open road. A pale hand rose to her forehead and felt the cracked dry blood that had pooled there. Her large eyes blinked rapidly, trying to clear the fog that had crept into her head as she slept. She reached for the handle of her door and trying to force it open, the piles of snow that was heaped around the car resisted her attempts. Panic, with its fiery fingers, crept through her veins, polluting her blood. She reached for her phone but eh battery had died and she threw it across the car, where it lay in smashed pieces.

Angry tears spilt over and slid down her cheeks, the ones before creating trails for the many that followed. Her skin crawled knowing she was the only living person for a hundred miles. Her only comfort was her car's heating, she would not freeze to death tonight. Her eyes closed as she felt her bones grow weary...

The red sedan was pulled from the snow drift, and the men bowed their heads. The porcelain face was peaceful in death.


(this came from a news story when I was living in Idaho. Three girls were on a lonely stretch of highway and they broke down. They left the heating on and suffocated to death.)

missmack123 wrote:

She took her gloves out of her purse and made sure her coat was on correctly.

I really liked this small attention to detail. It gives good insight to the character.

missmack123 wrote:

She opened the door, realizing she was happy she paid the insurance on the rental car.

This is just a general pet peeve of mine, but I don't like lines like this. It just sounds awkward to me. I would change the 'realizing she was happy' to something like 'she breathed a sigh of relief' or 'she was happy'.

Again, for not ever experiencing snow (lucky!) I thought you did a nice job. Try to add more feelings/emotions so we get to know your character a little more.
Good work though! :)

time bomb. wrote:

It was an unusual occurrence.

This was the first thought that settled in Zoey’s mind

Phrases like this are kind of a pet peeve of mine. I don't really know why. It just sounds awkward to me.

I think this one is my favorite so far :)
You did a really good job setting up the scene and even though it's only four paragraphs long, I got a to know your character a little bit. I really liked how you talked about her family situation and kind of branched out from just 'it's cold, there is snow, I'm stuck, what do I do.' :)

would you be able to review mine? I would really like some feedback to see how I can improve my writing :)

It's gorgeous. Go away.

aw thanks. I know I have so much to improve on still. *sigh* I wish i could get the depth of Angela Carter *huggles the bloody Chamber*

Sorry! I meant to get to this sooner!

This was a lot different then everyone elses, I kind of like that. :)

down.the.rabbit.hole wrote:

Spirals of light were filtering through the snow covered glass, reflecting and refracting, creating flaring rainbows that traced her porcelain skin.

Great description. It sets a really beautiful scene.

down.the.rabbit.hole wrote:

Still the sleeper remained in slumber.

I don't really like this line. I think this is one of those pet peevey things that bothers me. I don't really know why. Maybe it's the 'sleeper' and 'slumber' sounding kind of similar with the 'sl'. I don't know. It's probably just me.

down.the.rabbit.hole wrote:

She reached for her phone but eh battery had died and she threw it across the car, where it lay in smashed pieces.

Most cars aren't that big. So unless it hit a window or the door maybe I don't think it'd break. Especially in 'smashed pieces'. 'Smashed pieces' to me looks like a car ran over it or something. :)

down.the.rabbit.hole wrote:

The red sedan was pulled from the snow drift, and the men bowed their heads. The porcelain face was peaceful in death.

I didn't really understand this until I read it the second time. Maybe make this transition a little different. Like more obvious the girl is dead and someone just found it.

Such a sad story. :'(
I liked it. I think the description was good but I didn't really feel connected to the girl. Maybe if she has a flashback or memories of friends/family so the reader has more to relate to her. I liked that she didn't have a name though and really no physical discription. It really leaves it open to the reader and it's like it could be anyone.

:) thanks for the feedback. I know what you mean about the Still the sleeper remained in slumber. line, it bothered me too, I think I put a bit too much alliteration